Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
