Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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