I just gift wrapped bread.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
