i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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