I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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