I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
