barbara walters just said penis...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
