is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
