kristin has been a bad kristin
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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