What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
