Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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