you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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