I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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