So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
