I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We got so high we made milksteak
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
