You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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