my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I love having hate sex.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
