I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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