Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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