I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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