your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
