I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
