I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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