worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
