R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
