If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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