Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
