After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
