Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
