i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
