I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
