..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
