i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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