Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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