I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
