Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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