Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
