I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
