I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
