hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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