I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
