how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
