Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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