my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I still have a little drunk in my system
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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