This is not my ceiling
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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