Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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