I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
