also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
