I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
