next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
