My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He did a backflip because drugs
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