It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
