I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
