Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
