there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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