everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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