They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
