high people should be assigned attendants
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
